"It sparked my curiosity. We would've died that day, had Odin not rescued us. I had let a guard know Thor's intention, before we left for the bifrost. What I didn't know was just how angry Father would be--that we were on the cusp of starting a war. He banished Thor, after stripping him of his powers and Mjolnir. Sent him and the hammer to Midgard." Pausing, setting his thoughts in order. "There is an artifact, that Father had taken from the Jotunn, called the Winter Casket. When they'd tried to invade a thousand years ago, they used it to try and turn Midgard into a realm of ice and snow more to their tastes. I went to Father's vaults, and held it...and it revealed the truth to me. Father came to talk, and I confronted him."
Now he's hiding his head against her hair, unused to letting himself be so vulnerable and bare. "I was....angry. Confused. I'd apparently been left to die; the King, Laufey, not caring for a runt. Odin took me---I was convinced it had to be for a purpose and he would tell me. Why wouldn't he just tell me."
He latches onto her as if she's a lifeline, with mind and arms. As she'd noted before, he was both so much older than her, but also so much younger too. "He didn't answer, because he fell into the Odinsleep. Mother and I weren't sure he would awaken from it, and I was given the throne as Thor was banished." Taking a breath. "I'd only wanted to spoil Thor's big day. I worried he was too full of himself, too impetuous and too much a warrior than a King. Now we were on the cusp of war."
Another long pause. "...I hatched plans, to finally prove I was worthy, in Father's eyes. I needed Thor to stay on Earth, however. His friends went after him, and I sent the Destroyer after them. I invited Laufey to come kill Odin, then killed him in turn. It would've been perfect if Thor had only stayed away..."
"He did not, and that wasn't the worst of it, I suppose." He sighed, still hiding against her. "I tried to wipe out Jotunheim. Vanquish our ancient enemies once and for all, using the bifrost on overload mode, as it were. Thor stopped me, by destroying the bifrost. We both would've fallen, except Father had woken. He grabbed Thor, and Thor was holding Gungnir, the spear. Which I held on to. It...I...disappointed my Father that day, and I let go. To fall among the stars."
He can feel her emotions; she's projecting again without realizing and it confuses him. But Loki also takes...comfort? Courage? He's not sure. But it soothes his nerves about sharing. Holding on to her tightly, in all the ways he could--as if she'd vanish. Surely she'd reject him, even though she promised to be his until he tired of her.
"I've been through the dregs of the universe, with only my wits and skills to survive. I neither saw nor received either kindness or comfort. Eventually, I found my way to a being known as the Mad Titan. Or his ambassador, rather--known as The Other. They promised me an army, that it was only waiting for a commander. Gave me the scepter, and I targeted Earth. To prove myself useful. I would rule over it as a benevolent God, while the Mad Titan turned his plans to subjugating the universe."
Then, so very very quietly and softly. "I got in over my head."
"I would deliver him the Tesseract. I learned mind control from him. It was...assured I would suffer, if I failed." He had failed, and been brought back to Asgard in chains. Silent for several moments, still trying to puzzle out what she was giving to him.
"He'll come for the Tesseract, if nothing else. But I believe he's searching for more than just that. Which is why I am meeting with the Sorcerer. And if necessary, Stark. It's also why I have been searching for a place to hide it, since I'm not sure it can be destroyed. That's what I've been doing since we came to Midgard."
It was important she know. Loki wasn't sure why, but it was. It mattered.
He was still baffled though. "...you should be angry at me." Why wasn't she angry? Rejecting him?
Everything he had done makes more sense. It doesn't make it good, or okay, but she can see some of the reasons why he would choose the path he had taken.
"Why should I be angry? This is just the background for what I already know."
"Then you're more of a fool than I thought." It was his turn to unconsciously project emotions. Tangles of fear and hurt, worry and anxiety and underneath it all a desperate loneliness still. His tone was not kind. "Everything I did, was to serve my own ends and myself. I cared nothing for this planet--I still believe that you all would be better off ruled--you're simply too stubborn to admit it. You're all children." Hissed out, pulling back and moving to hold her at arm's length. Anger born from fear and anxiety. "You're all heading into a larger universe than you could've dreamed of, and it's my fault. Hel--I may yet bring worse down on you."
The quick turn is a surprise and she is momentarily taken aback by it.
Her immediate response is to reply to those emotions with calm, it's the first time she's using her Empathy to try to change someones emotions though she doesn't actually mean to. She just wants to help.
"You don't mean all of that." She is handling this really well.
"I do." He's lying--a lie so good he almost believes it himself. The tangle of his emotions and strength of that anger born of fear and pain fighting with the calm she's projecting.
That throws him entirely for a loop, and he looks like he's been hit. "Stop it." Hissed out again. How....
"How?"
Because she is neither a child nor a fool--and the fact that she'd agreed with him hurts. And he doesn't know fully why--or why it's so important. How can she still care about him?
Care/not-be-angry/understand/accept? I'mamonsterandworthlessandnevergoodenough. Even his mental voice is a jumble and Loki isn't realizing that he's speaking to her that way.
"Tell me why." He means it as an order, but it comes out pleading. Why is nothing going as he expected now? Things had been going wonderfully--and then he decided to take a chance and trust... and now it's all mixed up.
She'd rendered him speechless, and for once Loki could think of nothing clever. Couldn't really think of anything at all... Unconsciously projecting still and if she tried to read him, he wasn't sure he could stop her.
His shields are still quite good, but what he's leaking... Confusion and fear...and a faint hope. Confusion leading to anger and fear of being hurt and rejected--he isn't sure why or how someone could love him? Cautious hope and wonder....
Sighing, Loki buried his head against her hair and hid. Winding himself around her again. "I don't understand why you would..." Softly and pleading.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 09:49 pm (UTC)Now he's hiding his head against her hair, unused to letting himself be so vulnerable and bare. "I was....angry. Confused. I'd apparently been left to die; the King, Laufey, not caring for a runt. Odin took me---I was convinced it had to be for a purpose and he would tell me. Why wouldn't he just tell me."
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 09:54 pm (UTC)Her mind reaches to hold him just the same as her body is. As with most humans she had only heard gossip about what had happened before the invasion.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 09:59 pm (UTC)Another long pause. "...I hatched plans, to finally prove I was worthy, in Father's eyes. I needed Thor to stay on Earth, however. His friends went after him, and I sent the Destroyer after them. I invited Laufey to come kill Odin, then killed him in turn. It would've been perfect if Thor had only stayed away..."
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:02 pm (UTC)While his plans had been far grander than most, in the end, he had still been a son wanting approval from his father.
"But he didn't stay away."
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:08 pm (UTC)She presses a kiss to his forehead.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:21 pm (UTC)"I've been through the dregs of the universe, with only my wits and skills to survive. I neither saw nor received either kindness or comfort. Eventually, I found my way to a being known as the Mad Titan. Or his ambassador, rather--known as The Other. They promised me an army, that it was only waiting for a commander. Gave me the scepter, and I targeted Earth. To prove myself useful. I would rule over it as a benevolent God, while the Mad Titan turned his plans to subjugating the universe."
Then, so very very quietly and softly. "I got in over my head."
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:26 pm (UTC)She gently nuzzles him. She projects on purpose this time, a calm acceptance and more importantly a level of understanding.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:32 pm (UTC)"He'll come for the Tesseract, if nothing else. But I believe he's searching for more than just that. Which is why I am meeting with the Sorcerer. And if necessary, Stark. It's also why I have been searching for a place to hide it, since I'm not sure it can be destroyed. That's what I've been doing since we came to Midgard."
It was important she know. Loki wasn't sure why, but it was. It mattered.
He was still baffled though. "...you should be angry at me." Why wasn't she angry? Rejecting him?
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:36 pm (UTC)"Why should I be angry? This is just the background for what I already know."
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:46 pm (UTC)Her immediate response is to reply to those emotions with calm, it's the first time she's using her Empathy to try to change someones emotions though she doesn't actually mean to. She just wants to help.
"You don't mean all of that." She is handling this really well.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:50 pm (UTC)"Okay. Then I am a fool and a child." It's said in a way that completely accepts his assessment.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 10:55 pm (UTC)"How?"
Because she is neither a child nor a fool--and the fact that she'd agreed with him hurts. And he doesn't know fully why--or why it's so important. How can she still care about him?
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:00 pm (UTC)She isn't trying to touch him, she's giving him some space and trying to keep her emotions from flowing too freely.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:04 pm (UTC)Care/not-be-angry/understand/accept? I'mamonsterandworthlessandnevergoodenough. Even his mental voice is a jumble and Loki isn't realizing that he's speaking to her that way.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:07 pm (UTC)"Can I hug you?"
There is is again, along with her calm, her acceptance, there's love.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:12 pm (UTC)"I'm here. It's okay."
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:15 pm (UTC)She wasn't quite ready to make that admission.
no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2021-08-28 11:35 pm (UTC)Sighing, Loki buried his head against her hair and hid. Winding himself around her again. "I don't understand why you would..." Softly and pleading.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: