[Loki lets her move, and speak, and just waits. Listening, and eventually moving to the other chair in his room. Sitting but still attentive as he leans forward.]
He would have to be mad, to consider that a form of love. A twisted form, perhaps. Why not wish for him to die, while you live? Save a lot of trouble that way.
[Quiet for several moments, before Loki let himself speak. Looking out the window from the room, rather than at Gamora as he had been.]
What few all told that we saved from Asgard, and refugees from Sakaar, he killed half of. Whether he'd have found us sooner or later I do not know, but find us he did. Coming for the tesseract, which should have been destroyed along with Asgard under Surtur's wrath. He tortured Thor, making me watch.
[Making him break, and Loki still regret it. The breaking, the torture, his decision to take the tessaract--he could not say what he regret, only that he did.]
I did attempt to kill him, and was killed for my treachery. No illusions this time, that I'm aware of. My wish would be for that to not be the end. To not die at his hand. There has to be a way to stop him, because I have seen what determined groups of people can do. As determined as the Mad Titan is, there are those just as determined and mad enough to stop him.
[She considers his suggestion. It is reasonable. Gamora knows that is what she should have asked for. She does have a family that wants her back. The Guardians. Nebula. She slowly explains where the mindset comes from if only because the truth is out now. Why not go all the way with it?] I wished for that because that is what being near him does to me. From the moment he recaptured me, I have tried to either prevent him from torturing my sister further or trying to kill myself to escape him or lessen the damage he will cause others. By the time he reached me, he had too many stones for me to kill alone. It felt like the only way at the time.
[Gamora's shoulders sink. Since he offered her something, she returned the favor.] For whatever it is worth, Thor will be among them. I rescued him with my team before Thanos captured me. We were trying to answer the distress cry sent out.
[She briefly looks apologetic. If they had found it sooner, perhaps they would have lived. There's no use speculating now.] I sent Thor away with my son and one of the finest members of the Guardians of the Galaxy. They will not let him fail in his quest to stop Thanos. If there is one thing I learned from being with them, there is no shortage of allies you can collect when you intend to save the galaxy.
[Understandable, in its way. Loki has been in that kind of desperate pain and despair before, though not from Thanos. His had been from disappointment, and knowledge he would never be the son his father wanted. It was why he had let go of Gungnir those years ago. Part of how he had ended up in the Mad Titan's service to begin with.
But Loki let's his gaze come back to her, listening--and nodding with her words.]
When I first arrived...there were bonfires. Thor and I were at one, although we did not talk about it. Not beyond my confirming that I was, in fact, dead. It wasn't an illusion--although he has not been here since so perhaps the joke is on me? Maybe he was little more than an illusion this time. One that felt all too real.
[Pausing, and now Loki let himself sit back a bit. One leg crossing over the other and his hands going to his knee. Thoughtful...]
We're neither of us able to do much about it from here, unless Vaeros is as good as his word. But I do believe that there are people out there who are determined enough, like the soldier or the widow, or mad enough, like Stark, to stop him. So...I intend to focus on things here where I can be effective.
[Her heart aches for him. She likes Thor. Gamora can imagine how devastating it would be if the roles were reversed. She cups her hands together, toying with her rings as she mulls over the future. The secret is out. It's freeing. She isn't healed today nor will she be tomorrow. The weight has lessened because at least one other person can understand what she is going through to some extent.
She's reminded of Kate suddenly who loved Peter in another life and world and misses her bitterly. Perhaps this is the universe's way of giving her something close to what she shared with that woman. Loki may not understand her love, but it is something that he can grasp her pain. It may be what she needs more in the end.]
How do you get past the injustice of it? I don't know how to focus on here outside of caring for Alice.
The universe is full of injustices. Something I learned long ago, even before my life came unraveled. I would not say I've made peace with it, but I've accepted it.
[He wasn't really the type to celebrate 'justice' anyways. It was a weird concept to him from his upbringing and experiences. What was 'just' to one could be very 'unjust' to another. So Loki would leave it to the hero-types for now. If wronged, he would do what he felt was appropriate to make it 'right' instead. Revenge was not off the table either.]
As for focusing here...start involving yourself in more than just Alice's life. We have no way of knowing for certain whether this is all a sham or a dream or some dying lunacy or if Vaeros really can't grant our wishes. The contract did however say to 'live here', and that is not bad advice.
[Now Loki got up, and moved over to where Gamora sat. He did not reach out, as he might've done were this Alice, or Kaiba perhaps. But he could offer his closer presence as some kind of reassurance or comfort at least.]
Let yourself mourn. Rage. Grieve. Whatever you feel is necessary, but do not let yourself die here while you're still able to live.
[It isn't that he is saying anything she has not thought herself at some point. Nothing here is guaranteed. This may be a fever dream she is having to cope with bleeding out on some lonely mountain while her abuser murders half the galaxy. It is the only reality she has now. She must live in it as best she can.
Hearing it from an outside voice does help. Gamora reluctantly glances at Loki to plainly state as much.] Thank you. You did not have to be kind about any of this.
[Neither did Thor. Something the brothers had in common, she supposes.]
[An eyebrow raised at her statement, but Loki simply nodded after a moment and moved to return to his seat. Neither assuming she would leave or stay, Gamora was welcome to make her own decision.]
Do not think me kind as a habit--but I do not necessarily enjoy cruelty either.
[There's a soft laugh, and a sardonic smile.]
I may no longer actively be playing the villain but I assure you--I'm still no hero-type.
[This? Mostly for Alice. Perhaps a tiny bit for Gamora as well, for her not deciding to be an enemy to him. But Loki found that he didn't really mind this bit of kindness. It had been productive after all.]
[Gamora shakes her head gently. She hears what he is saying. She doesn't expect anything of him other than to treat Alice with dignity and respect. She can't help reminding him:] I didn't become his favorite child for my capacity for kindness.
[She is objectively worse than Loki in her mind. Most of the galaxy would agree on that though saving it twice has earned her some forgiveness from a few parties. Few are actively hunting her for her crimes under Thanos' rule.] I have spent my short time between escaping Thanos and my recapture trying to be better than what he made me to be. I appreciate you reminding me of that. If you prefer I pretend you have done me no good today, I'll allow it.
[She raises a brow and lightens the mood by pointing out playfully.] Unfortunately, my partner did the heroic speeches. I can't play hero to your villain. You'll have to find someone else for that.
Perhaps, but you never lost it even though you were the 'favorite' all the same. That says something about your strength of character.
[Her words and actions show that, as she confirms herself. Loki isn't quite sure what he wants--but he was not generally as a rule kind. Not anymore... He was also no longer as wounded and conflicted as he had been though--so perhaps some kindness would be allowed.]
I suggest we find new roles than hero or villain. They can be rather overdone and constraining.
[Although one corner of his mouth quirks up in a hint of smirk.]
So "Mother", anything I should know in particular, to help play "Father" more fully?
[The words are a balm. Gamora will likely never like herself. It helps to hear someone else doesn't think of her as a monster. While there could be an angle, she appreciates it all the same. She smiles in faint amusement. She agrees about the roles being constraining. She's never fit into them either.] I'll allow you to lead the charge on these titles. Aren't words your specialty?
[She points out playfully. The rest she suspects she is overthinking. Gamora is someone who spends a lot of time in her head so little surprise there.] That would depend on what you are seeking. Parenting advice on "our" child or how to avoid killing each other when we disagree on how to raise her?
[Gamora smiles warmly as something comes to mind. She thinks of the day she finally admitted to Alice who they were to each other.] Children love when you share something from your past with them. Peter shared his music with our son Groot. Now I've done the same with Alice. I let her listen to the songs Peter shared with me and our son. Before Peter, his mother shared the same music with him. It brought her great joy to be a part of that legacy. Share parts of yourself with her.
As for the rest, as long as we can both come to an understanding on what's best for Alice we'll survive each other. I constantly fought with the men who helped me parent Groot, especially the man I later took as a partner. We always did what was best for him. That was why it worked.
[Gamora adds:] I still think bringing a baby into battle was foolish.
I'd think it depends on the age of the 'baby', but then--Asgardians were a warrior culture. I believe I even heard some whispers about Frigga having taken Thor out when he was very very young, into battle. Given what I know of Mother, I'm certain she did so with a very good reason in mind.
When I first met Alice, I did tell her that I won't necessarily give her 'good' advice. But I shall try to not give her bad advice. We were having a conversation involving choosing our trouble. The 'good' advice would be to 'stay out of trouble' all together. But neither she nor I would likely follow that...
That father was from a warrior culture as well. He insisted on it being vital for proper development. [Gamora still sounds annoyed about it to this day. She looks back on it fondly as well. She can't help the soft laugh that escapes her. It sounds like the family she may build here won't be any less complicated.]
It's just as well. I can make a habit of getting you both out of it. It's what I did with the family I found after Thanos.
That is part of why I suggested as such, and offered to advise her--which lead to her inviting me to live here. That I'd do what I could to get her out of it too.
[There's a slow smirk, a hint of pride but also amusement, with his next words.]
I'm rather good at getting out of trouble, whether it's my own or other's, as well. At least you and Alice seem the types to appreciate trickery and illusion being useful instead of always depending on brute force.
[Once again the conversation brings up good memories. Loki is right of course. She values those skills. They got far on Peter's and Rocket's trickery alone.] Believe it or not, that's how the Guardians managed to save the galaxy twice. Ronan and the celestial Ego were far more powerful than us. We were more clever than each of them together.
[She wistfully and decides to state plainly:] I do appreciate the skills you bring to this home.
[That had surprised him, and it showed for a second or two in his expression. Then he was chuckling softly.]
Well, they weren't often appreciated much growing up. Magic, and illusions and tricks, were not seen as becoming of a warrior, much less a Prince. But they served well enough to get us out of trouble as often as we got into it too. Nor was it all my own fault for the trouble either.
Until I regain those skills though, we'll have to rely on my intelligence and cunning. But I value your wider experience with things among the universe.
[That is disappointing to hear. Gamora doesn't look surprised to hear that. Thanos had her kill a fair share of kings with similar attitudes.] Some warriors can be narrow-minded. Even Drax occasionally forgets it's not our blades that win the larger battles. Those skills will be more than helpful to us. We have our share of battles here. Godslayer will only take us so far.
[She doesn't have her enhancements back yet. In all fairness, she hasn't asked for them. She only swallowed her pride to get back her sword when they started going after the dragons. It'll take something just as big for her to try to get back all the changes Thanos made to her physiology.]
Asgardians were the strongest beings in the nine realms--it made it rather easy to value brute force and strength. Magic was often seen as a woman's art too. I was doubly disadvantaged because of my magic, but also by not being an asgardian. I'm a Jotun--a frost giant.
[There's a long pause, as he's clearly considering something. Before making blue-green eyes meet her own.]
It has been a new experience, being here--and having people respect and value what I can do. To not treat me as wrong, or different, or the eternal tag-a-long. I was never 'enough'. Never 'worthy'.
[Gamora listens without comment. The attitudes are not new even if she never had to suffer it. Thanos was a great believer in equality to a horrific and mundane extent. The girls he tortured had as much possibility to become great warriors against their wills as the boys. She is empathetic all the same. It is unfair and ridiculous. That is the life he lived. Being a prince didn't spare him.
The Jotun have never been popular among the greater galaxy either. Gamora takes these things into careful consideration as she forms a reply. It means something he has trusted her with this. Much like Peter before him, she doesn't betray or dismiss that vulnerability.] There are prejudices everywhere but, not among us as far as I can tell. Take this as the opportunity it is. People here will continue to see you as you are.
[She twirls one of her rings, forces herself to maintain eye contact, and decides to elaborate.] To me, you survived Thanos with your soul intact. You still allow yourself to care for someone as vulnerable as a Terran girl after seeing his horrors up close. You have enough wisdom to understand that very few wished to be in his service willingly.
I will not speak ill of the people you lost and were meant to lead once. I can only say I cannot agree with them. You have shown honor and strength under circumstances that have destroyed others. That has great value in my eyes.
[Loki was normally very good at controlling his expressions from others. But the more she spoke, the more she would see he was...surprised. Confused, and surprised, and oddly vulnerable. No one had spoken him to this way before other than his mother, in a long time. Despite his age, Gamora can see how 'young' he is as well, in blue-green eyes. For several moments, before he swallows and his expression is neutral once again.
But he is the first to break the gaze, his head tilting down and slightly to the side.]
You do me a kindness. Thank you. I...have done terrible things before ending up in Thanos' service, but I would not speak of them now.
[Then back up to meet her eyes.]
Someday. And you are stronger than you think, to not lose yourself in his service either. You were trying to survive. Lay the blame where it belongs, on him. Not on you--your choice was taken from you the minute he kidnapped you.
[Some would call her a fool for having any empathy for this man. Gamora has seen the worst life has to offer. She has lived horrors that are better left unsaid. What else can she do but, feel the pain of others? She gives them the mercy she never knew. She offers them the grace she stubbornly refuses to give herself. Gamora nods in response to his thanks. She doesn't pry into his past. It doesn't matter. Both their hands are soaked with blood.
The rest has her looking down at her rings again. She ponders his words carefully.]
I do blame him for stealing another man's child and forcing them to call him 'Father.' I blame him for ripping me apart and putting me back together countless times in the name of making me stronger. I blame him for all the death and destruction he has brought to our people and countless others. My choices... that is more difficult. Some would say the honorable thing to do in my position would be to die. I agreed with them at points.
[Hence her comments during their dance. She won't spell it out for him. It seems unnecessarily cruel.] I am glad to be free of him now. That we both are.
Dying is the easy way out, unless it's in battle. Better you should live and perhaps suffer by attempting to make amends. Think of that as an alternate viewpoint--although suffering itself without purpose is no more nobler or honorable than dying as an easy way out.
[He understands well what she's saying. Ultimately it's her life, but she has done him a kindness or two. So he'll attempt to do so in turn--and Kind was not always 'nice'.]
[Gamora's brows knit together as she truly takes what he is saying to heart. It is a bitter truth, but one she accepted once. Grief made her lose sight of it until now.] That is what I thought before he took me again. I have spent the past few years trying to make it right. Every time I confronted someone like Thanos, I stopped them with my family. I could not stop him. I must make peace with that.
[Her eyes meet his sharply.] That is not your concern. Thank you again for listening to me. I know I have taken much of your time. I think now we are prepared to do this together so it isn't wasted.
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whose_son_am_i) wrote2027-08-15 09:41 pm
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He would have to be mad, to consider that a form of love. A twisted form, perhaps. Why not wish for him to die, while you live? Save a lot of trouble that way.
[Quiet for several moments, before Loki let himself speak. Looking out the window from the room, rather than at Gamora as he had been.]
What few all told that we saved from Asgard, and refugees from Sakaar, he killed half of. Whether he'd have found us sooner or later I do not know, but find us he did. Coming for the tesseract, which should have been destroyed along with Asgard under Surtur's wrath. He tortured Thor, making me watch.
[Making him break, and Loki still regret it. The breaking, the torture, his decision to take the tessaract--he could not say what he regret, only that he did.]
I did attempt to kill him, and was killed for my treachery. No illusions this time, that I'm aware of. My wish would be for that to not be the end. To not die at his hand. There has to be a way to stop him, because I have seen what determined groups of people can do. As determined as the Mad Titan is, there are those just as determined and mad enough to stop him.
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[Gamora's shoulders sink. Since he offered her something, she returned the favor.] For whatever it is worth, Thor will be among them. I rescued him with my team before Thanos captured me. We were trying to answer the distress cry sent out.
[She briefly looks apologetic. If they had found it sooner, perhaps they would have lived. There's no use speculating now.] I sent Thor away with my son and one of the finest members of the Guardians of the Galaxy. They will not let him fail in his quest to stop Thanos. If there is one thing I learned from being with them, there is no shortage of allies you can collect when you intend to save the galaxy.
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But Loki let's his gaze come back to her, listening--and nodding with her words.]
When I first arrived...there were bonfires. Thor and I were at one, although we did not talk about it. Not beyond my confirming that I was, in fact, dead. It wasn't an illusion--although he has not been here since so perhaps the joke is on me? Maybe he was little more than an illusion this time. One that felt all too real.
[Pausing, and now Loki let himself sit back a bit. One leg crossing over the other and his hands going to his knee. Thoughtful...]
We're neither of us able to do much about it from here, unless Vaeros is as good as his word. But I do believe that there are people out there who are determined enough, like the soldier or the widow, or mad enough, like Stark, to stop him. So...I intend to focus on things here where I can be effective.
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She's reminded of Kate suddenly who loved Peter in another life and world and misses her bitterly. Perhaps this is the universe's way of giving her something close to what she shared with that woman. Loki may not understand her love, but it is something that he can grasp her pain. It may be what she needs more in the end.]
How do you get past the injustice of it? I don't know how to focus on here outside of caring for Alice.
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[He wasn't really the type to celebrate 'justice' anyways. It was a weird concept to him from his upbringing and experiences. What was 'just' to one could be very 'unjust' to another. So Loki would leave it to the hero-types for now. If wronged, he would do what he felt was appropriate to make it 'right' instead. Revenge was not off the table either.]
As for focusing here...start involving yourself in more than just Alice's life. We have no way of knowing for certain whether this is all a sham or a dream or some dying lunacy or if Vaeros really can't grant our wishes. The contract did however say to 'live here', and that is not bad advice.
[Now Loki got up, and moved over to where Gamora sat. He did not reach out, as he might've done were this Alice, or Kaiba perhaps. But he could offer his closer presence as some kind of reassurance or comfort at least.]
Let yourself mourn. Rage. Grieve. Whatever you feel is necessary, but do not let yourself die here while you're still able to live.
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Hearing it from an outside voice does help. Gamora reluctantly glances at Loki to plainly state as much.] Thank you. You did not have to be kind about any of this.
[Neither did Thor. Something the brothers had in common, she supposes.]
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Do not think me kind as a habit--but I do not necessarily enjoy cruelty either.
[There's a soft laugh, and a sardonic smile.]
I may no longer actively be playing the villain but I assure you--I'm still no hero-type.
[This? Mostly for Alice. Perhaps a tiny bit for Gamora as well, for her not deciding to be an enemy to him. But Loki found that he didn't really mind this bit of kindness. It had been productive after all.]
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[She is objectively worse than Loki in her mind. Most of the galaxy would agree on that though saving it twice has earned her some forgiveness from a few parties. Few are actively hunting her for her crimes under Thanos' rule.] I have spent my short time between escaping Thanos and my recapture trying to be better than what he made me to be. I appreciate you reminding me of that. If you prefer I pretend you have done me no good today, I'll allow it.
[She raises a brow and lightens the mood by pointing out playfully.] Unfortunately, my partner did the heroic speeches. I can't play hero to your villain. You'll have to find someone else for that.
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[Her words and actions show that, as she confirms herself. Loki isn't quite sure what he wants--but he was not generally as a rule kind. Not anymore... He was also no longer as wounded and conflicted as he had been though--so perhaps some kindness would be allowed.]
I suggest we find new roles than hero or villain. They can be rather overdone and constraining.
[Although one corner of his mouth quirks up in a hint of smirk.]
So "Mother", anything I should know in particular, to help play "Father" more fully?
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[She points out playfully. The rest she suspects she is overthinking. Gamora is someone who spends a lot of time in her head so little surprise there.] That would depend on what you are seeking. Parenting advice on "our" child or how to avoid killing each other when we disagree on how to raise her?
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[It was easier to focus on the topic of Alice. But...Gamora seemed more at ease. Which was a good start, and would be good for their 'daughter'.]
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As for the rest, as long as we can both come to an understanding on what's best for Alice we'll survive each other. I constantly fought with the men who helped me parent Groot, especially the man I later took as a partner. We always did what was best for him. That was why it worked.
[Gamora adds:] I still think bringing a baby into battle was foolish.
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When I first met Alice, I did tell her that I won't necessarily give her 'good' advice. But I shall try to not give her bad advice. We were having a conversation involving choosing our trouble. The 'good' advice would be to 'stay out of trouble' all together. But neither she nor I would likely follow that...
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It's just as well. I can make a habit of getting you both out of it. It's what I did with the family I found after Thanos.
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[There's a slow smirk, a hint of pride but also amusement, with his next words.]
I'm rather good at getting out of trouble, whether it's my own or other's, as well. At least you and Alice seem the types to appreciate trickery and illusion being useful instead of always depending on brute force.
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[She wistfully and decides to state plainly:] I do appreciate the skills you bring to this home.
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Well, they weren't often appreciated much growing up. Magic, and illusions and tricks, were not seen as becoming of a warrior, much less a Prince. But they served well enough to get us out of trouble as often as we got into it too. Nor was it all my own fault for the trouble either.
Until I regain those skills though, we'll have to rely on my intelligence and cunning. But I value your wider experience with things among the universe.
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[She doesn't have her enhancements back yet. In all fairness, she hasn't asked for them. She only swallowed her pride to get back her sword when they started going after the dragons. It'll take something just as big for her to try to get back all the changes Thanos made to her physiology.]
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[There's a long pause, as he's clearly considering something. Before making blue-green eyes meet her own.]
It has been a new experience, being here--and having people respect and value what I can do. To not treat me as wrong, or different, or the eternal tag-a-long. I was never 'enough'. Never 'worthy'.
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The Jotun have never been popular among the greater galaxy either. Gamora takes these things into careful consideration as she forms a reply. It means something he has trusted her with this. Much like Peter before him, she doesn't betray or dismiss that vulnerability.] There are prejudices everywhere but, not among us as far as I can tell. Take this as the opportunity it is. People here will continue to see you as you are.
[She twirls one of her rings, forces herself to maintain eye contact, and decides to elaborate.] To me, you survived Thanos with your soul intact. You still allow yourself to care for someone as vulnerable as a Terran girl after seeing his horrors up close. You have enough wisdom to understand that very few wished to be in his service willingly.
I will not speak ill of the people you lost and were meant to lead once. I can only say I cannot agree with them. You have shown honor and strength under circumstances that have destroyed others. That has great value in my eyes.
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But he is the first to break the gaze, his head tilting down and slightly to the side.]
You do me a kindness. Thank you. I...have done terrible things before ending up in Thanos' service, but I would not speak of them now.
[Then back up to meet her eyes.]
Someday. And you are stronger than you think, to not lose yourself in his service either. You were trying to survive. Lay the blame where it belongs, on him. Not on you--your choice was taken from you the minute he kidnapped you.
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The rest has her looking down at her rings again. She ponders his words carefully.]
I do blame him for stealing another man's child and forcing them to call him 'Father.' I blame him for ripping me apart and putting me back together countless times in the name of making me stronger. I blame him for all the death and destruction he has brought to our people and countless others. My choices... that is more difficult. Some would say the honorable thing to do in my position would be to die. I agreed with them at points.
[Hence her comments during their dance. She won't spell it out for him. It seems unnecessarily cruel.] I am glad to be free of him now. That we both are.
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[He understands well what she's saying. Ultimately it's her life, but she has done him a kindness or two. So he'll attempt to do so in turn--and Kind was not always 'nice'.]
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[Her eyes meet his sharply.] That is not your concern. Thank you again for listening to me. I know I have taken much of your time. I think now we are prepared to do this together so it isn't wasted.
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[There's sarcasm in it, but he hadn't minded.]
Whether we like it or not, we have common interests and investments. Better we work together than at odds with each other towards common goals.
[Loki tilted his head up, letting some pride in his features and also some challenge.]
Be stronger than he made you to be, by being yourself and your own person.
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