[Puck understands-- to a point, what Loki is going through. While he's not a mind reader, he knows people. He knows the fear that comes with what sounded like a lot of internal dialogue and fears being dragged into the open and the want to just start going into a defense mode. Puck had been through similar enough in Avalon, it's why he doesn't like Oberon and Titania in spite of serving them.
Owen smiles lightly at the comment, softer than usual.] I'll take your word for it, I don't usually spend my springs in them.
[The cottage seems empty enough and Owen removes his glasses to put them safely away. A flash of green light and Puck is standing where Owen had been a second ago. He looks at Loki and then speaks gently,] How do I help you through this?
[Now Loki really was confused, even if he wasn't showing it. One corner of his mouth lifted in half-smirk.]
Alice and Gamora are out, so your identity is preserved.
[Keeping any of his feelings from showing, although he's staring at the other for a while with Puck's words. Turning things over a lot in his mind.]
You're not here to reject me.
[Despite the statement, it's a question.]
The profile is true, if painting me in the worst light. But...you're here. I'm confused.
[Another pause, and now Loki looked away.]
This is where, before, I've always been turned on. Those who already distrusted me take it as justification, and those who weren't certain just take it as a sign that they've been fooled and betrayed. So they turn on me.
[There is a long and weary breath taken in and out, and Loki's next words are so very honest it's painful.]
I figured it was empty enough. I'm fast, I could duck into a room if needed. Or turn invisible.
[Puck picks up on the question under the second statement.] No, not at all. [A simple confirmation and a grin, but then Puck's expression softens.]
Hey-- [The honesty hits Puck hard and he moves to what was going to be his ace up his metaphorical sleeve. He could talk about tabloid reporters and people or in this case, bitter kings, saying whatever they could to get a reaction but none of that matters. Puck closes the distance and reaches out to take Loki's shoulders with a firm gentleness.]
You sound tired. You do. But you also sound like someone I love who's gotten used to being hurt and who expects things to go wrong more than they expect them to go any other way.
[He sighs. It's not a fun way to live. Puck had seen it in others, all sad in their own ways. Floating into the air slightly so he can be eye level with Loki properly, Puck speaks again]
My love of you isn't conditional, Loki. It never has been. That's part of love- you see the good and the bad, and you help, and you're there for your partner. That's what I was trying to say by coming as Owen-- I'm here for you, in any form that you need, because I love you.
[Then Loki had been reading at least one of those layers correctly. That, and everything else Puck said... It was true, and it was new and somewhat scary but also very much a relief. Part of Loki was still scared to trust it. Knew well that words could lie--but Puck had always backed up those words with action, as he was doing now.
Loki could not deny the hands on his shoulders, the way Puck was making it so very obvious he was here. And not to hurt or reject Loki, but to try and help him. Blue-green eyes hesitantly met Puck's gaze, and had tears in them. The mask Loki had been wearing dropped, and allowing Puck to see all the conflicting emotions and worries and fears and relief.
A swallow, and Loki reached up to put his hands over Puck's.]
I had hoped, but wasn't sure I was reading things right.
[It's soft, and a bit wavery. But with such relief and hope in the voice.]
[He may not assume, because Loki also was going to make it obvious. Moving to hug Puck, and hide against him a bit. Loki was trying to let himself be vulnerable although he was so scared to as well. But Puck hadn't hurt him yet. The Fae was making it clear as he could that he would NOT hurt Loki.
And Loki wanted so very much to believe it, because he cared for the other. In ways that were more than friendship. As a partner, certainly, and likely it was love. But Loki was unsure, and not ready, to use that word yet. It was complicated.]
[Short of a giant flashing sign, Puck was, yes. As Loki hugged him, Puck pulled him close and adjusted his position so Loki could hide as needed. He let one of his hands find Loki's hair and ran through it slowly.
It was complicated, but Puck wasn't a stranger to that idea in any capacity. If Loki wasn't ready to put a word to his feelings, Puck meant what he had said about not pushing him to do so. There was no rush, because Puck metaphorically wasn't going anywhere. He chuckled a bit and joked,] Oh good, I wasn't sure if you wanted a hug.
[There was no bite, but more that playful teasing--if very tired--in the tone. Relief in it as well, as Loki hid and tried to let himself be soothed. This had not been at all what he'd expected to find or have. It was part of how this place had changed him. Loki wasn't complaining though, as the changes had been good so far. And feeding the good within him.
So he held onto Puck, and let himself be held. Let himself cry a bit quietly in relief and hope. He'd apologize for it later, and-or get Puck a new tunic or whatever. But right then, Loki was right where he wanted to be--with Puck backing up those words with actions.]
[Puck didn't mind the crying-- he never would with friends or lovers, or really anyone else. But he would hold off on any requests for a new tunic. As Loki cried, Puck stroked his back in encouragement and chuckled again at the teasing.]
Bully. [He said equally teasing] But I don't mind.
[Said with a small hiccuping chuckle. Not that Loki couldn't be a bully if he wanted, albeit not in the way Puck meant. But he'd likely do it for different reasons now, than he had in the past. Tightening the hug a bit, trying to let Puck read his feelings that way. His gratitude, his care for the other, his trust in the other too.]
[The feelings were being pretty loud, and Puck tightened his hug in turn.] Well it wasn't trying to be kind-- I know that calling you that is a joke we have between us, but like anything else if it bothered you, I would immediately stop doing it. [There was some more combing through Loki's hair idly.]
It amazes me how well you read me sometimes, and also that while doing so--you still like me. Love me. It's....very new.
[The only time Loki had felt anything like this had been with Frigga. And obviously maternal feelings of love were different than lover-partner feelings of love. He leaned into that hair-combing, not realizing how tense he'd been as he started to relax again.]
I did work at the library for a bit, and I've been around others long enough to be good at reading them. It'd be near Oberon levels of cruel to pull my love back based on how you were acting or not acting.
[Puck felt him starting to relax and in turn Puck made sure that he didn't.] No conditions-- except for my hair. [A beat.] That sounded so much better before I said it. [He chuckled and nuzzled Loki's head]
[It was such a cheesy joke and the timing was absurd, and Loki couldn't help himself. Laughing at it, at all of it, while still clinging and hiding against Puck. How could this being still be just such a balm to him and a gift? Loki was sure he didn't deserve Puck, but he was keeping him anyway. Would fight to do so, even with himself.]
You have absolutely lovely hair. You already know you're very handsome and very pretty though.
[Puck laughed along with him, still holding on. Sometimes a badly timed joke helped break the ice. Sometimes it fell flat. Usually a little of both. Likewise Puck would keep Loki as long as the other would have him.]
The secret actually isn't conditioner! [Another mild joke, Puck felt his own shoulders shake from laughing] But thank you-- some of that comes from being fae. [But most of it was also by Puck's design] Likewise, if I ever stumble while looking at you, it's because of your equally good looks.
[Puck would also probably hide in his cottage for at least an hour and pretend it never happened.]
[Loki moved to nuzzle Puck's hair by his ear. The grateful sigh of breath in and out would be felt as well as heard. And despite that Loki was going to be whispering in Puck's ear, he wasn't meaning it to tease or bully this time. More that it was private and personal.]
Thank you, Puck. You mean more than I can properly put into words or figure out.
[Puck knew, for the most part, when Loki was doing some good natured bullying or teasing and when he wasn't. At the more private words being shared, Puck smiled.]
You're welcome. [He said softly, hugging Loki tightly before he added,] You don't have to put it into words. [Sometimes they weren't needed. After a moment, he resumed running of his hands through Loki's hair.]
[Loki let himself be further soothed, and was committing all of this to his memory. So he'll have it as a counter to old fears and insecurities that still could be strong.]
I know the power of words as well as actions though. So it's important I do both.
[Puck smiled.] It is, but I also trust you to do both. [Puck continued to soothe him, glad to be able to provide that strength that Loki could use when he needed.]
[Loki was grateful too, and was slowly starting to feel better. So it wasn't too much longer before he gave one last tight hug, then started to pull away slowly. Not least of which because he liked the soothing the other was doing. His eyes were a little red from the crying, and he was a bit paler than usual, but there were no masks up. Even able to give a faint smile.]
...obviously, if you have any questions about what it said...I'll tell you.
[As Loki pulled away, Puck watched to make sure he was okay. He smiled back at the statement and shook his head.] No, I don't want to know anything because you've already shared enough. I prefer not to give mud slinging computer programs or their authors the time of day. It would be the same with a gossip magazine.
[He chuckled at a sudden memory] I learned Owen could break a camera once, that was a very fun afternoon.
I suspect Owen can break a lot of things really. I'm sure you could as well if you wanted.
[Loki sighed, but reached up to take Puck's hands again. Wanting the anchor.]
I did spend a year in the Asgardian prison, after the failed invasion. Apparently the only reason I was spared the axe was my mother. She tried to make me comfortable in the cell, as I had actual furniture and all the books I could want. She visited via projection, as I've done with you before.
[A slow blink, and a sad expression.]
I was in prison when I found out she'd died. I did not take it well, although my illusions came in handy for hiding that from everyone. Thor came eventually, as he needed my help--and he suspected. But my furniture was in pieces, I was disheveled in various ways... Signs of a rather epic tantrum really.
[Puck took his hands, held onto them, and listened. When Loki described what to his ears sounded like deep grief as a "tantrum", his expression went equally sad.] Is that what you were told? It was a tantrum, and not.. You mourning the loss of a loved one? Whoever told you that is wrong. Even now.
[It was a statement, not a question. Puck couldn't imagine being so harsh.]
No one called it that. No one visited except for the einherjar who told me. And no one visited until Thor came seeking my help. It wasn't as if I hadn't had emotional outbursts before. Or that Thor hadn't either. When his coronation day was spoiled by frost giants invading, he flipped a banquet table completely over and made a mess of things that way.
[And then decided--albeit with some subtle goading from Loki--to go invade Jotunheim.]
[Puck sighed, keeping hold of Loki's hands] Then it's sad in other ways. [His grip tightened slightly] They're both ways of expressing hurt, though. [Puck tried to picture it and took a breath before he could start crying. He needed to be strong and while there was always strength in tears, it wasn't the time.]
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whose_son_am_i) wrote2027-08-15 09:41 pm
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Owen smiles lightly at the comment, softer than usual.] I'll take your word for it, I don't usually spend my springs in them.
[The cottage seems empty enough and Owen removes his glasses to put them safely away. A flash of green light and Puck is standing where Owen had been a second ago. He looks at Loki and then speaks gently,] How do I help you through this?
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Alice and Gamora are out, so your identity is preserved.
[Keeping any of his feelings from showing, although he's staring at the other for a while with Puck's words. Turning things over a lot in his mind.]
You're not here to reject me.
[Despite the statement, it's a question.]
The profile is true, if painting me in the worst light. But...you're here. I'm confused.
[Another pause, and now Loki looked away.]
This is where, before, I've always been turned on. Those who already distrusted me take it as justification, and those who weren't certain just take it as a sign that they've been fooled and betrayed. So they turn on me.
[There is a long and weary breath taken in and out, and Loki's next words are so very honest it's painful.]
I'm so tired of it.
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[Puck picks up on the question under the second statement.] No, not at all. [A simple confirmation and a grin, but then Puck's expression softens.]
Hey-- [The honesty hits Puck hard and he moves to what was going to be his ace up his metaphorical sleeve. He could talk about tabloid reporters and people or in this case, bitter kings, saying whatever they could to get a reaction but none of that matters. Puck closes the distance and reaches out to take Loki's shoulders with a firm gentleness.]
You sound tired. You do. But you also sound like someone I love who's gotten used to being hurt and who expects things to go wrong more than they expect them to go any other way.
[He sighs. It's not a fun way to live. Puck had seen it in others, all sad in their own ways. Floating into the air slightly so he can be eye level with Loki properly, Puck speaks again]
My love of you isn't conditional, Loki. It never has been. That's part of love- you see the good and the bad, and you help, and you're there for your partner. That's what I was trying to say by coming as Owen-- I'm here for you, in any form that you need, because I love you.
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Loki could not deny the hands on his shoulders, the way Puck was making it so very obvious he was here. And not to hurt or reject Loki, but to try and help him. Blue-green eyes hesitantly met Puck's gaze, and had tears in them. The mask Loki had been wearing dropped, and allowing Puck to see all the conflicting emotions and worries and fears and relief.
A swallow, and Loki reached up to put his hands over Puck's.]
I had hoped, but wasn't sure I was reading things right.
[It's soft, and a bit wavery. But with such relief and hope in the voice.]
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Then I'll work on making sure those messages come through clearly.
You and hope make a good pair. I'm glad I can help you find it.
[Puck tightened his grip on Loki's shoulders slightly. He wasn't sure if Loki wanted anything else physical, so Puck wouldn't assume.]
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And Loki wanted so very much to believe it, because he cared for the other. In ways that were more than friendship. As a partner, certainly, and likely it was love. But Loki was unsure, and not ready, to use that word yet. It was complicated.]
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It was complicated, but Puck wasn't a stranger to that idea in any capacity. If Loki wasn't ready to put a word to his feelings, Puck meant what he had said about not pushing him to do so. There was no rush, because Puck metaphorically wasn't going anywhere. He chuckled a bit and joked,] Oh good, I wasn't sure if you wanted a hug.
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[There was no bite, but more that playful teasing--if very tired--in the tone. Relief in it as well, as Loki hid and tried to let himself be soothed. This had not been at all what he'd expected to find or have. It was part of how this place had changed him. Loki wasn't complaining though, as the changes had been good so far. And feeding the good within him.
So he held onto Puck, and let himself be held. Let himself cry a bit quietly in relief and hope. He'd apologize for it later, and-or get Puck a new tunic or whatever. But right then, Loki was right where he wanted to be--with Puck backing up those words with actions.]
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Bully. [He said equally teasing] But I don't mind.
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[Said with a small hiccuping chuckle. Not that Loki couldn't be a bully if he wanted, albeit not in the way Puck meant. But he'd likely do it for different reasons now, than he had in the past. Tightening the hug a bit, trying to let Puck read his feelings that way. His gratitude, his care for the other, his trust in the other too.]
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[The only time Loki had felt anything like this had been with Frigga. And obviously maternal feelings of love were different than lover-partner feelings of love. He leaned into that hair-combing, not realizing how tense he'd been as he started to relax again.]
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[Puck felt him starting to relax and in turn Puck made sure that he didn't.] No conditions-- except for my hair. [A beat.] That sounded so much better before I said it. [He chuckled and nuzzled Loki's head]
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You have absolutely lovely hair. You already know you're very handsome and very pretty though.
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The secret actually isn't conditioner! [Another mild joke, Puck felt his own shoulders shake from laughing] But thank you-- some of that comes from being fae. [But most of it was also by Puck's design] Likewise, if I ever stumble while looking at you, it's because of your equally good looks.
[Puck would also probably hide in his cottage for at least an hour and pretend it never happened.]
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[Loki moved to nuzzle Puck's hair by his ear. The grateful sigh of breath in and out would be felt as well as heard. And despite that Loki was going to be whispering in Puck's ear, he wasn't meaning it to tease or bully this time. More that it was private and personal.]
Thank you, Puck. You mean more than I can properly put into words or figure out.
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[Puck knew, for the most part, when Loki was doing some good natured bullying or teasing and when he wasn't. At the more private words being shared, Puck smiled.]
You're welcome. [He said softly, hugging Loki tightly before he added,] You don't have to put it into words. [Sometimes they weren't needed. After a moment, he resumed running of his hands through Loki's hair.]
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I know the power of words as well as actions though. So it's important I do both.
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...obviously, if you have any questions about what it said...I'll tell you.
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[He chuckled at a sudden memory] I learned Owen could break a camera once, that was a very fun afternoon.
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[Loki sighed, but reached up to take Puck's hands again. Wanting the anchor.]
I did spend a year in the Asgardian prison, after the failed invasion. Apparently the only reason I was spared the axe was my mother. She tried to make me comfortable in the cell, as I had actual furniture and all the books I could want. She visited via projection, as I've done with you before.
[A slow blink, and a sad expression.]
I was in prison when I found out she'd died. I did not take it well, although my illusions came in handy for hiding that from everyone. Thor came eventually, as he needed my help--and he suspected. But my furniture was in pieces, I was disheveled in various ways... Signs of a rather epic tantrum really.
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[It was a statement, not a question. Puck couldn't imagine being so harsh.]
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[And then decided--albeit with some subtle goading from Loki--to go invade Jotunheim.]
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Wrap?
wrapped!