[Loki was grateful too, and was slowly starting to feel better. So it wasn't too much longer before he gave one last tight hug, then started to pull away slowly. Not least of which because he liked the soothing the other was doing. His eyes were a little red from the crying, and he was a bit paler than usual, but there were no masks up. Even able to give a faint smile.]
...obviously, if you have any questions about what it said...I'll tell you.
[As Loki pulled away, Puck watched to make sure he was okay. He smiled back at the statement and shook his head.] No, I don't want to know anything because you've already shared enough. I prefer not to give mud slinging computer programs or their authors the time of day. It would be the same with a gossip magazine.
[He chuckled at a sudden memory] I learned Owen could break a camera once, that was a very fun afternoon.
I suspect Owen can break a lot of things really. I'm sure you could as well if you wanted.
[Loki sighed, but reached up to take Puck's hands again. Wanting the anchor.]
I did spend a year in the Asgardian prison, after the failed invasion. Apparently the only reason I was spared the axe was my mother. She tried to make me comfortable in the cell, as I had actual furniture and all the books I could want. She visited via projection, as I've done with you before.
[A slow blink, and a sad expression.]
I was in prison when I found out she'd died. I did not take it well, although my illusions came in handy for hiding that from everyone. Thor came eventually, as he needed my help--and he suspected. But my furniture was in pieces, I was disheveled in various ways... Signs of a rather epic tantrum really.
[Puck took his hands, held onto them, and listened. When Loki described what to his ears sounded like deep grief as a "tantrum", his expression went equally sad.] Is that what you were told? It was a tantrum, and not.. You mourning the loss of a loved one? Whoever told you that is wrong. Even now.
[It was a statement, not a question. Puck couldn't imagine being so harsh.]
No one called it that. No one visited except for the einherjar who told me. And no one visited until Thor came seeking my help. It wasn't as if I hadn't had emotional outbursts before. Or that Thor hadn't either. When his coronation day was spoiled by frost giants invading, he flipped a banquet table completely over and made a mess of things that way.
[And then decided--albeit with some subtle goading from Loki--to go invade Jotunheim.]
[Puck sighed, keeping hold of Loki's hands] Then it's sad in other ways. [His grip tightened slightly] They're both ways of expressing hurt, though. [Puck tried to picture it and took a breath before he could start crying. He needed to be strong and while there was always strength in tears, it wasn't the time.]
In any case, after helping Thor I seemingly died. Because if I had gone back to Asgard as myself, it would be back in prison for me. SO I essentially usurped Odin's throne by bespelling him, putting him in the home in New York City, and ruling as him for about 4 years or so.
[Loki wanted to finish that, to let Puck have all the context he could.]
I was...used to being hurt, as you guessed correctly. I was always different, and could never seem to measure up. Or be appreciated truly for what I could do.
[Puck nodded as the context was given. It wouldn't change his opinions of Loki, but he appreciated that Loki wanted him to have the context. To make his own decisions. It was touching and showed trust. Puck felt his heart metaphorically warm a bit.]
Frigga taught me a lot, seemed to value what I could do. But she wasn't Odin, who I wanted to be proud of me and never could seem to manage to make proud of me. Or Thor.
[A sad inhale and exhale, and a sad smile.]
It was important you know though.
[Loki raised his head to meet Puck's once more.]
People here have...helped me learn to change. Because you all do seem to value me, for me. For what I can do, and who I'm becoming.
[Puck listened and nodded in understanding. The want for specific approval could be a very long waiting game. Sometimes you won, sometimes you never did. He did understand it. As much as Puck hated to see Loki so upset, Puck wouldn't stop being a source of strength.
He smiled softly at Loki once Loki had looked at him.] Good-- because we do value you. All parts of you.
I suspect there'll be parts it'll be harder to value than others. But I take your meaning. Thank you.
[Loki was feeling more stable now, at least. Less a need to withdraw and prepare to be hurt. He wasn't being hurt, but was getting comforted. And that was new and a bit unsettling but also something he wanted very much.]
In a day or two, I'll check my device. Right now it's staying where it landed after I threw it at a wall in my room.
[Puck liked comforting his loved ones. It deepened the connection he had to them, and it just felt good to know he could. He nodded and moved to give Loki a kiss on the top of his head.] That's as good of a place for it as anywhere else. Now, is there anything else I can do?
[Loki leaned into the affection, moving to hug Puck once more.]
Actively, I'm not sure. But you being here--being here--is doing a lot to help. Thank you.
[Loki tried to say so much more with those words, but his emotions were all a jumble and there were some he was still trying to figure out for himself.]
[Puck again hugged him, and held onto Loki tightly]
Then I'll stay here until you say otherwise.
[Puck had planned an extended visit as needed, a few hours away wouldn't hurt anything or anyone. Puck idly ran his hands over Loki's back as they hugged.] I'll even hold off on more bad jokes. [He promised with a little chuckle]
"I think I can forgive more bad jokes, just to keep you here with me Robin." Loki said quietly, leaning into the hug again. Just grateful and trying to soak up the affection. The trust and care and love. Taking the safety offered, and Loki was grateful for it. It had been a long time since he had felt able to take that safety.
"You'll get at least an hour without them, as a show of kindness." Puck would have stayed either way, and he felt Loki knew that in some capacity. For the time being, Puck continued to hold him, adjusting his position slightly as needed. The safety, trust and love, could always be drawn from. Puck's emotional well was deep if not nearly endless. He was fine to allow those he trusted and loved to draw from it.
"Liar, you're always too kind to me." Loki murmured before soaking up more of that love, and safety, and trust. Trying to project that in turn, and that he did trust Puck. Cared for him, in ways that Loki was only beginning to figure out and to realize.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2024-03-15 01:22 am (UTC)...obviously, if you have any questions about what it said...I'll tell you.
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Date: 2024-03-15 01:29 am (UTC)[He chuckled at a sudden memory] I learned Owen could break a camera once, that was a very fun afternoon.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-15 01:33 am (UTC)[Loki sighed, but reached up to take Puck's hands again. Wanting the anchor.]
I did spend a year in the Asgardian prison, after the failed invasion. Apparently the only reason I was spared the axe was my mother. She tried to make me comfortable in the cell, as I had actual furniture and all the books I could want. She visited via projection, as I've done with you before.
[A slow blink, and a sad expression.]
I was in prison when I found out she'd died. I did not take it well, although my illusions came in handy for hiding that from everyone. Thor came eventually, as he needed my help--and he suspected. But my furniture was in pieces, I was disheveled in various ways... Signs of a rather epic tantrum really.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-15 01:46 am (UTC)[It was a statement, not a question. Puck couldn't imagine being so harsh.]
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Date: 2024-03-15 02:07 am (UTC)[And then decided--albeit with some subtle goading from Loki--to go invade Jotunheim.]
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Date: 2024-03-15 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-15 02:57 am (UTC)[Loki wanted to finish that, to let Puck have all the context he could.]
I was...used to being hurt, as you guessed correctly. I was always different, and could never seem to measure up. Or be appreciated truly for what I could do.
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Date: 2024-03-15 03:31 am (UTC)A shame, because I think you have several gifts.
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Date: 2024-03-16 12:54 am (UTC)[A sad inhale and exhale, and a sad smile.]
It was important you know though.
[Loki raised his head to meet Puck's once more.]
People here have...helped me learn to change. Because you all do seem to value me, for me. For what I can do, and who I'm becoming.
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Date: 2024-03-16 03:59 pm (UTC)He smiled softly at Loki once Loki had looked at him.] Good-- because we do value you. All parts of you.
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Date: 2024-03-19 12:52 am (UTC)[Loki was feeling more stable now, at least. Less a need to withdraw and prepare to be hurt. He wasn't being hurt, but was getting comforted. And that was new and a bit unsettling but also something he wanted very much.]
In a day or two, I'll check my device. Right now it's staying where it landed after I threw it at a wall in my room.
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Date: 2024-03-19 06:37 pm (UTC)[Puck liked comforting his loved ones. It deepened the connection he had to them, and it just felt good to know he could. He nodded and moved to give Loki a kiss on the top of his head.] That's as good of a place for it as anywhere else. Now, is there anything else I can do?
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Date: 2024-03-22 02:03 pm (UTC)Actively, I'm not sure. But you being here--being here--is doing a lot to help. Thank you.
[Loki tried to say so much more with those words, but his emotions were all a jumble and there were some he was still trying to figure out for himself.]
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Date: 2024-03-22 08:21 pm (UTC)Then I'll stay here until you say otherwise.
[Puck had planned an extended visit as needed, a few hours away wouldn't hurt anything or anyone. Puck idly ran his hands over Loki's back as they hugged.] I'll even hold off on more bad jokes. [He promised with a little chuckle]
no subject
Date: 2024-03-23 03:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-23 03:16 pm (UTC)Wrap?
Date: 2024-03-27 03:40 am (UTC)Content to stay like that for awhile, too.
wrapped!
Date: 2024-03-27 03:53 am (UTC)