[He may not assume, because Loki also was going to make it obvious. Moving to hug Puck, and hide against him a bit. Loki was trying to let himself be vulnerable although he was so scared to as well. But Puck hadn't hurt him yet. The Fae was making it clear as he could that he would NOT hurt Loki.
And Loki wanted so very much to believe it, because he cared for the other. In ways that were more than friendship. As a partner, certainly, and likely it was love. But Loki was unsure, and not ready, to use that word yet. It was complicated.]
[Short of a giant flashing sign, Puck was, yes. As Loki hugged him, Puck pulled him close and adjusted his position so Loki could hide as needed. He let one of his hands find Loki's hair and ran through it slowly.
It was complicated, but Puck wasn't a stranger to that idea in any capacity. If Loki wasn't ready to put a word to his feelings, Puck meant what he had said about not pushing him to do so. There was no rush, because Puck metaphorically wasn't going anywhere. He chuckled a bit and joked,] Oh good, I wasn't sure if you wanted a hug.
[There was no bite, but more that playful teasing--if very tired--in the tone. Relief in it as well, as Loki hid and tried to let himself be soothed. This had not been at all what he'd expected to find or have. It was part of how this place had changed him. Loki wasn't complaining though, as the changes had been good so far. And feeding the good within him.
So he held onto Puck, and let himself be held. Let himself cry a bit quietly in relief and hope. He'd apologize for it later, and-or get Puck a new tunic or whatever. But right then, Loki was right where he wanted to be--with Puck backing up those words with actions.]
[Puck didn't mind the crying-- he never would with friends or lovers, or really anyone else. But he would hold off on any requests for a new tunic. As Loki cried, Puck stroked his back in encouragement and chuckled again at the teasing.]
Bully. [He said equally teasing] But I don't mind.
[Said with a small hiccuping chuckle. Not that Loki couldn't be a bully if he wanted, albeit not in the way Puck meant. But he'd likely do it for different reasons now, than he had in the past. Tightening the hug a bit, trying to let Puck read his feelings that way. His gratitude, his care for the other, his trust in the other too.]
[The feelings were being pretty loud, and Puck tightened his hug in turn.] Well it wasn't trying to be kind-- I know that calling you that is a joke we have between us, but like anything else if it bothered you, I would immediately stop doing it. [There was some more combing through Loki's hair idly.]
It amazes me how well you read me sometimes, and also that while doing so--you still like me. Love me. It's....very new.
[The only time Loki had felt anything like this had been with Frigga. And obviously maternal feelings of love were different than lover-partner feelings of love. He leaned into that hair-combing, not realizing how tense he'd been as he started to relax again.]
I did work at the library for a bit, and I've been around others long enough to be good at reading them. It'd be near Oberon levels of cruel to pull my love back based on how you were acting or not acting.
[Puck felt him starting to relax and in turn Puck made sure that he didn't.] No conditions-- except for my hair. [A beat.] That sounded so much better before I said it. [He chuckled and nuzzled Loki's head]
[It was such a cheesy joke and the timing was absurd, and Loki couldn't help himself. Laughing at it, at all of it, while still clinging and hiding against Puck. How could this being still be just such a balm to him and a gift? Loki was sure he didn't deserve Puck, but he was keeping him anyway. Would fight to do so, even with himself.]
You have absolutely lovely hair. You already know you're very handsome and very pretty though.
[Puck laughed along with him, still holding on. Sometimes a badly timed joke helped break the ice. Sometimes it fell flat. Usually a little of both. Likewise Puck would keep Loki as long as the other would have him.]
The secret actually isn't conditioner! [Another mild joke, Puck felt his own shoulders shake from laughing] But thank you-- some of that comes from being fae. [But most of it was also by Puck's design] Likewise, if I ever stumble while looking at you, it's because of your equally good looks.
[Puck would also probably hide in his cottage for at least an hour and pretend it never happened.]
[Loki moved to nuzzle Puck's hair by his ear. The grateful sigh of breath in and out would be felt as well as heard. And despite that Loki was going to be whispering in Puck's ear, he wasn't meaning it to tease or bully this time. More that it was private and personal.]
Thank you, Puck. You mean more than I can properly put into words or figure out.
[Puck knew, for the most part, when Loki was doing some good natured bullying or teasing and when he wasn't. At the more private words being shared, Puck smiled.]
You're welcome. [He said softly, hugging Loki tightly before he added,] You don't have to put it into words. [Sometimes they weren't needed. After a moment, he resumed running of his hands through Loki's hair.]
[Loki let himself be further soothed, and was committing all of this to his memory. So he'll have it as a counter to old fears and insecurities that still could be strong.]
I know the power of words as well as actions though. So it's important I do both.
[Puck smiled.] It is, but I also trust you to do both. [Puck continued to soothe him, glad to be able to provide that strength that Loki could use when he needed.]
[Loki was grateful too, and was slowly starting to feel better. So it wasn't too much longer before he gave one last tight hug, then started to pull away slowly. Not least of which because he liked the soothing the other was doing. His eyes were a little red from the crying, and he was a bit paler than usual, but there were no masks up. Even able to give a faint smile.]
...obviously, if you have any questions about what it said...I'll tell you.
[As Loki pulled away, Puck watched to make sure he was okay. He smiled back at the statement and shook his head.] No, I don't want to know anything because you've already shared enough. I prefer not to give mud slinging computer programs or their authors the time of day. It would be the same with a gossip magazine.
[He chuckled at a sudden memory] I learned Owen could break a camera once, that was a very fun afternoon.
I suspect Owen can break a lot of things really. I'm sure you could as well if you wanted.
[Loki sighed, but reached up to take Puck's hands again. Wanting the anchor.]
I did spend a year in the Asgardian prison, after the failed invasion. Apparently the only reason I was spared the axe was my mother. She tried to make me comfortable in the cell, as I had actual furniture and all the books I could want. She visited via projection, as I've done with you before.
[A slow blink, and a sad expression.]
I was in prison when I found out she'd died. I did not take it well, although my illusions came in handy for hiding that from everyone. Thor came eventually, as he needed my help--and he suspected. But my furniture was in pieces, I was disheveled in various ways... Signs of a rather epic tantrum really.
[Puck took his hands, held onto them, and listened. When Loki described what to his ears sounded like deep grief as a "tantrum", his expression went equally sad.] Is that what you were told? It was a tantrum, and not.. You mourning the loss of a loved one? Whoever told you that is wrong. Even now.
[It was a statement, not a question. Puck couldn't imagine being so harsh.]
No one called it that. No one visited except for the einherjar who told me. And no one visited until Thor came seeking my help. It wasn't as if I hadn't had emotional outbursts before. Or that Thor hadn't either. When his coronation day was spoiled by frost giants invading, he flipped a banquet table completely over and made a mess of things that way.
[And then decided--albeit with some subtle goading from Loki--to go invade Jotunheim.]
[Puck sighed, keeping hold of Loki's hands] Then it's sad in other ways. [His grip tightened slightly] They're both ways of expressing hurt, though. [Puck tried to picture it and took a breath before he could start crying. He needed to be strong and while there was always strength in tears, it wasn't the time.]
In any case, after helping Thor I seemingly died. Because if I had gone back to Asgard as myself, it would be back in prison for me. SO I essentially usurped Odin's throne by bespelling him, putting him in the home in New York City, and ruling as him for about 4 years or so.
[Loki wanted to finish that, to let Puck have all the context he could.]
I was...used to being hurt, as you guessed correctly. I was always different, and could never seem to measure up. Or be appreciated truly for what I could do.
[Puck nodded as the context was given. It wouldn't change his opinions of Loki, but he appreciated that Loki wanted him to have the context. To make his own decisions. It was touching and showed trust. Puck felt his heart metaphorically warm a bit.]
Frigga taught me a lot, seemed to value what I could do. But she wasn't Odin, who I wanted to be proud of me and never could seem to manage to make proud of me. Or Thor.
[A sad inhale and exhale, and a sad smile.]
It was important you know though.
[Loki raised his head to meet Puck's once more.]
People here have...helped me learn to change. Because you all do seem to value me, for me. For what I can do, and who I'm becoming.
[Puck listened and nodded in understanding. The want for specific approval could be a very long waiting game. Sometimes you won, sometimes you never did. He did understand it. As much as Puck hated to see Loki so upset, Puck wouldn't stop being a source of strength.
He smiled softly at Loki once Loki had looked at him.] Good-- because we do value you. All parts of you.
I suspect there'll be parts it'll be harder to value than others. But I take your meaning. Thank you.
[Loki was feeling more stable now, at least. Less a need to withdraw and prepare to be hurt. He wasn't being hurt, but was getting comforted. And that was new and a bit unsettling but also something he wanted very much.]
In a day or two, I'll check my device. Right now it's staying where it landed after I threw it at a wall in my room.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2024-03-13 06:08 pm (UTC)And Loki wanted so very much to believe it, because he cared for the other. In ways that were more than friendship. As a partner, certainly, and likely it was love. But Loki was unsure, and not ready, to use that word yet. It was complicated.]
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Date: 2024-03-13 07:09 pm (UTC)It was complicated, but Puck wasn't a stranger to that idea in any capacity. If Loki wasn't ready to put a word to his feelings, Puck meant what he had said about not pushing him to do so. There was no rush, because Puck metaphorically wasn't going anywhere. He chuckled a bit and joked,] Oh good, I wasn't sure if you wanted a hug.
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Date: 2024-03-13 07:14 pm (UTC)[There was no bite, but more that playful teasing--if very tired--in the tone. Relief in it as well, as Loki hid and tried to let himself be soothed. This had not been at all what he'd expected to find or have. It was part of how this place had changed him. Loki wasn't complaining though, as the changes had been good so far. And feeding the good within him.
So he held onto Puck, and let himself be held. Let himself cry a bit quietly in relief and hope. He'd apologize for it later, and-or get Puck a new tunic or whatever. But right then, Loki was right where he wanted to be--with Puck backing up those words with actions.]
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Date: 2024-03-13 07:24 pm (UTC)Bully. [He said equally teasing] But I don't mind.
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Date: 2024-03-14 03:17 am (UTC)[Said with a small hiccuping chuckle. Not that Loki couldn't be a bully if he wanted, albeit not in the way Puck meant. But he'd likely do it for different reasons now, than he had in the past. Tightening the hug a bit, trying to let Puck read his feelings that way. His gratitude, his care for the other, his trust in the other too.]
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Date: 2024-03-14 03:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-14 03:27 am (UTC)[The only time Loki had felt anything like this had been with Frigga. And obviously maternal feelings of love were different than lover-partner feelings of love. He leaned into that hair-combing, not realizing how tense he'd been as he started to relax again.]
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Date: 2024-03-14 03:34 am (UTC)[Puck felt him starting to relax and in turn Puck made sure that he didn't.] No conditions-- except for my hair. [A beat.] That sounded so much better before I said it. [He chuckled and nuzzled Loki's head]
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Date: 2024-03-14 03:49 am (UTC)You have absolutely lovely hair. You already know you're very handsome and very pretty though.
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Date: 2024-03-14 03:56 am (UTC)The secret actually isn't conditioner! [Another mild joke, Puck felt his own shoulders shake from laughing] But thank you-- some of that comes from being fae. [But most of it was also by Puck's design] Likewise, if I ever stumble while looking at you, it's because of your equally good looks.
[Puck would also probably hide in his cottage for at least an hour and pretend it never happened.]
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Date: 2024-03-14 08:09 pm (UTC)[Loki moved to nuzzle Puck's hair by his ear. The grateful sigh of breath in and out would be felt as well as heard. And despite that Loki was going to be whispering in Puck's ear, he wasn't meaning it to tease or bully this time. More that it was private and personal.]
Thank you, Puck. You mean more than I can properly put into words or figure out.
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Date: 2024-03-14 11:40 pm (UTC)[Puck knew, for the most part, when Loki was doing some good natured bullying or teasing and when he wasn't. At the more private words being shared, Puck smiled.]
You're welcome. [He said softly, hugging Loki tightly before he added,] You don't have to put it into words. [Sometimes they weren't needed. After a moment, he resumed running of his hands through Loki's hair.]
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Date: 2024-03-15 12:50 am (UTC)I know the power of words as well as actions though. So it's important I do both.
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Date: 2024-03-15 01:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-15 01:22 am (UTC)...obviously, if you have any questions about what it said...I'll tell you.
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Date: 2024-03-15 01:29 am (UTC)[He chuckled at a sudden memory] I learned Owen could break a camera once, that was a very fun afternoon.
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Date: 2024-03-15 01:33 am (UTC)[Loki sighed, but reached up to take Puck's hands again. Wanting the anchor.]
I did spend a year in the Asgardian prison, after the failed invasion. Apparently the only reason I was spared the axe was my mother. She tried to make me comfortable in the cell, as I had actual furniture and all the books I could want. She visited via projection, as I've done with you before.
[A slow blink, and a sad expression.]
I was in prison when I found out she'd died. I did not take it well, although my illusions came in handy for hiding that from everyone. Thor came eventually, as he needed my help--and he suspected. But my furniture was in pieces, I was disheveled in various ways... Signs of a rather epic tantrum really.
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Date: 2024-03-15 01:46 am (UTC)[It was a statement, not a question. Puck couldn't imagine being so harsh.]
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Date: 2024-03-15 02:07 am (UTC)[And then decided--albeit with some subtle goading from Loki--to go invade Jotunheim.]
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Date: 2024-03-15 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-15 02:57 am (UTC)[Loki wanted to finish that, to let Puck have all the context he could.]
I was...used to being hurt, as you guessed correctly. I was always different, and could never seem to measure up. Or be appreciated truly for what I could do.
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Date: 2024-03-15 03:31 am (UTC)A shame, because I think you have several gifts.
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Date: 2024-03-16 12:54 am (UTC)[A sad inhale and exhale, and a sad smile.]
It was important you know though.
[Loki raised his head to meet Puck's once more.]
People here have...helped me learn to change. Because you all do seem to value me, for me. For what I can do, and who I'm becoming.
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Date: 2024-03-16 03:59 pm (UTC)He smiled softly at Loki once Loki had looked at him.] Good-- because we do value you. All parts of you.
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Date: 2024-03-19 12:52 am (UTC)[Loki was feeling more stable now, at least. Less a need to withdraw and prepare to be hurt. He wasn't being hurt, but was getting comforted. And that was new and a bit unsettling but also something he wanted very much.]
In a day or two, I'll check my device. Right now it's staying where it landed after I threw it at a wall in my room.
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