[ Seto waited a few moments longer, using the walk to clear his head a little. He thought through a few possible ways to describe what was going on with him, and settled on: ]
...do you remember the night at the party with the mistletoe? You told me that human teenagers value their first kiss. I didn't get it then.
I do now. I'm both...happy, and afraid of losing him.
[ He relaxed visibly, smiling a little. The support really helped. ]
No one else ever inspired that specific feeling in me...heh.
But he's my first relationship. I'd like to think culture taught me enough about how it works, but...you seem to have a good relationship. Can I ask how you keep it going?
Well, I have experience in relationships, but I will say that having one with Puck is the first time I've honestly cared in the way I think you mean. But it's not easy--as you've seen, and understand, I have trust issues.
[Another shoulder squeeze.]
Fortunately, you and he and my friends here are helping me to be better. To not let those get to me as much. So are you asking for what to do when you honestly care, or what to do culture wise?
[Loki nodded, quiet for a bit himself as they walked.]
So, this is based on my own small experience with caring, but also on observation of others over the centuries. Keep that in mind.
[A small caveat there, but he'd still do his best to help Seto.]
It's hard, but talk to him. When you're unsure, or nervous. Really converse with him. I doubt he's entered into this relationship with no idea of what you're like, so he probably understands better than you might think.
I've been lucky, as Puck has had relationships that were more than just casual before. Although he's had those too. But it means...he's been patient, and willing to meet me where I am. Honestly? I know I care for him as a partner, as more than a friend. But I'm still trying to tease out the specifics and to get to know that larger emotion. It extends to you, and Alice, and Eilonwy, and Gamora, as well. But I'm not used to loving others. Especially not as a lover beyond the physical side of things.
[ Seto listens appreciatively, knowing he has a lot to learn. They're both learning...in different places, in different ways. He feels a surge of warmth at the reminder that he is loved, and smiles. ]
I'm not that experienced in the different kinds of love myself. But I agree...and.
Attraction's one thing. Respect, helping him understand how much I value him. But to me, one of the most important aspects of all kinds of love is loyalty. I'd give so much of myself to help him...or my brother, or you.
Loki was honestly touched, tilting his head and smiling at the other fondly. "Thank you. Just so your loyalty is not misplaced. That's what I'd worry about, but then...loyalty to others than myself is kind of new to me."
"It gets easier with practice," Seto admitted softly. "I didn't have to practice beyond Mokuba before, but now..."
He still smiled. "I've been picking up stray books in the library on my breaks at work. They're all full of flowery prose that makes me cringe, but it's at least giving me a guideline on how to romance. Touch, gifts, listening, appreciation...it's just figuring out the balance."
"Well, let me ask you this--and I can probably predict your reaction." Loki said, and there was a spark of amusement in blue-green eyes. "Are you trying to seduce him, or are you trying to show that you care for him?"
"You can, and that would be the 'correct' answer. Not that there really is one, other than maybe don't be an ass." Loki said while chuckling. "Well, the caring is somewhat easier. Or at least will be for you, considering your blush." Seto you need to get used to being teased affectionately.
"It can be as simple as just doing a nice thing for him. Letting him know, and see, and maybe hear, that you appreciate and care for him. The simplest way is just spending time together, and that's often the most fun too."
Seto grinned at him. "Thank you, but we'll be all right. Part of what I love about him is that we're both into challenges. I won't let a simple meal defeat me."
The old confidence was back as he forged ahead. "...I don't know Puck as well as you do, but we work together. I know he likes to flex his mental muscles too. A good game can be an avenue of bonding."
Loki chuckled and grinned. "Oh I know he does and he can. He matches me well." Easy enough to let his fondness for the fae show through. "We challenge each other. Even just to be playful." Loki raised an eyebrow though, with mischief in his smile. "Unless you're suggesting a game for all of us. I'd be careful playing with two Tricksters though."
"Three tricksters," Seto corrected, a little grimace crossing his face. "It's Atem's style too, and he's used magic to his advantage before...but always for a noble reason, where I happened to be the antagonist."
He still had those hints of his past kicking around, but it didn't bother him so much anymore. "So I'd need everyone to agree to play fairly...but I think I'm at the peak of mere mortals in keeping up."
"You might also have to define 'fairly'." Loki said with a soft chuckle. "You do keep up well. You just need a little nudging sometimes to let your imagination and creativity flourish more. You're certainly intelligent enough." All things Loki approved of and valued in the other, in case Kaiba didn't realize.
"I can do that. I'm used to dealing with contracts. I just..."
His steps quickened a little. He latched an arm around a tree to half-swing around it, leaning on it for a bit. "Can't believe I ever thought I hated him. All the fixation should've been a clue at some point."
"Oh there'll be times you'll hate him still, but love and hate are complicated things." Loki said, honestly smiling at how the other was letting himself be happy. Good. "But so long as, overall, he makes you happy and you have each other's backs and enjoy spending time with each other? I think you'll be alright."
"We...enjoy each other a lot," Seto admitted, still looking sheepish. "And I'll work through it. I already lost him once, I don't want to lose him again."
His conviction was clear. He certainly looked brighter and more confident.
"...Heh. I should probably let you go if I'm not actually going to train today," he added. "I talk about him too much."
"You assume I'm so busy that I'm not enjoying this time spent with you?" Loki said with a grin. "I assure you, if I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't. But I am honored you trust in me to confide this." A pause, and Loki looked at the trees around them. "I am new, when it comes to having the emotions actually mean something. I know how to play the game, the moves and words and motions. But actually having it mean something is..."
Seto nodded. He stepped closer again, looking up thoughtfully.
"...I think I understand. I was trained to view emotion as a weakness, and Gozaburo always hated my love for Mokuba. He did whatever he could to discourage it. And I avoided connections with others for the same reason...the more ties that existed, the more weak points I had. But I didn't exactly perform emotion, I performed...distance."
He shook his head and laughed. "Maybe it's not that similar. But I don't need precise definitions. We're in a mutually agreeable situation, that's enough."
"Were you taught all emotion was weakness, or only certain ones?" Loki was curious. "I've viewed sentimentality as foolish and weak before. I'm still not given to it very much, though I can fake it well. But I've stopped trying to fight that I do have moments of it." He explained, with a wry smile. "I'm used to it not over-ruling me, thankfully. It just means I'm more dangerous."
But the laugh was very good and had Loki brightening. "Then let you and he just be that. Who cares about other definitions but the ones you both use. SO long as those align, you'll be good."
Seto's steps were lighter, like a burden had been lifted from him despite the continued serious subject matter. "Only the positive ones. Anger, hatred, and paranoia were encouraged. Anything that kept me isolated and driven to attack was good for business."
Now that he spoke it aloud, it sounded...pretty bad. But that was the past now.
"I was supposed to keep the family business going, to make the heirs he couldn't. I radically changed everything else about it...so I guess my being gay doesn't add much to my list of crimes."
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branchandroot
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Date: 2024-03-28 03:35 am (UTC)[ Seto waited a few moments longer, using the walk to clear his head a little. He thought through a few possible ways to describe what was going on with him, and settled on: ]
...do you remember the night at the party with the mistletoe? You told me that human teenagers value their first kiss. I didn't get it then.
I do now. I'm both...happy, and afraid of losing him.
no subject
Date: 2024-03-28 03:38 am (UTC)Ah. Your Pharaoh? Congratulations as well.
[Smiling and reaching out to squeeze Kaiba's shoulder in encouragement. This couldn't be easy for the younger man.]
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Date: 2024-03-28 03:43 am (UTC)No one else ever inspired that specific feeling in me...heh.
But he's my first relationship. I'd like to think culture taught me enough about how it works, but...you seem to have a good relationship. Can I ask how you keep it going?
no subject
Date: 2024-03-28 03:47 am (UTC)Well, I have experience in relationships, but I will say that having one with Puck is the first time I've honestly cared in the way I think you mean. But it's not easy--as you've seen, and understand, I have trust issues.
[Another shoulder squeeze.]
Fortunately, you and he and my friends here are helping me to be better. To not let those get to me as much. So are you asking for what to do when you honestly care, or what to do culture wise?
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Date: 2024-03-28 03:51 am (UTC)Caring's the most important thing. I want to give him everything I can without pushing him away with my worrying about love being a weakness.
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Date: 2024-03-28 03:55 am (UTC)So, this is based on my own small experience with caring, but also on observation of others over the centuries. Keep that in mind.
[A small caveat there, but he'd still do his best to help Seto.]
It's hard, but talk to him. When you're unsure, or nervous. Really converse with him. I doubt he's entered into this relationship with no idea of what you're like, so he probably understands better than you might think.
I've been lucky, as Puck has had relationships that were more than just casual before. Although he's had those too. But it means...he's been patient, and willing to meet me where I am. Honestly? I know I care for him as a partner, as more than a friend. But I'm still trying to tease out the specifics and to get to know that larger emotion. It extends to you, and Alice, and Eilonwy, and Gamora, as well. But I'm not used to loving others. Especially not as a lover beyond the physical side of things.
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Date: 2024-03-28 11:58 pm (UTC)I'm not that experienced in the different kinds of love myself. But I agree...and.
Attraction's one thing. Respect, helping him understand how much I value him. But to me, one of the most important aspects of all kinds of love is loyalty. I'd give so much of myself to help him...or my brother, or you.
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Date: 2024-03-29 04:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-30 02:28 am (UTC)He still smiled. "I've been picking up stray books in the library on my breaks at work. They're all full of flowery prose that makes me cringe, but it's at least giving me a guideline on how to romance. Touch, gifts, listening, appreciation...it's just figuring out the balance."
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Date: 2024-03-30 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-30 03:16 am (UTC)"...can't we have both? But caring's the priority, yes."
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Date: 2024-03-30 03:18 am (UTC)"It can be as simple as just doing a nice thing for him. Letting him know, and see, and maybe hear, that you appreciate and care for him. The simplest way is just spending time together, and that's often the most fun too."
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Date: 2024-03-30 03:34 am (UTC)"...cooking a meal for him, maybe? I'm not the best chef, but I've learned more in my time here."
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Date: 2024-03-30 03:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-31 02:39 pm (UTC)The old confidence was back as he forged ahead. "...I don't know Puck as well as you do, but we work together. I know he likes to flex his mental muscles too. A good game can be an avenue of bonding."
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Date: 2024-03-31 09:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-03-31 09:52 pm (UTC)He still had those hints of his past kicking around, but it didn't bother him so much anymore. "So I'd need everyone to agree to play fairly...but I think I'm at the peak of mere mortals in keeping up."
no subject
Date: 2024-03-31 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-01 12:57 am (UTC)"I can do that. I'm used to dealing with contracts. I just..."
His steps quickened a little. He latched an arm around a tree to half-swing around it, leaning on it for a bit. "Can't believe I ever thought I hated him. All the fixation should've been a clue at some point."
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Date: 2024-04-02 03:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-04-08 01:04 am (UTC)His conviction was clear. He certainly looked brighter and more confident.
"...Heh. I should probably let you go if I'm not actually going to train today," he added. "I talk about him too much."
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Date: 2024-04-08 11:53 pm (UTC)Loki wasn't sure still how to frame it all.
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Date: 2024-04-09 01:19 am (UTC)"...I think I understand. I was trained to view emotion as a weakness, and Gozaburo always hated my love for Mokuba. He did whatever he could to discourage it. And I avoided connections with others for the same reason...the more ties that existed, the more weak points I had. But I didn't exactly perform emotion, I performed...distance."
He shook his head and laughed. "Maybe it's not that similar. But I don't need precise definitions. We're in a mutually agreeable situation, that's enough."
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Date: 2024-04-10 10:46 pm (UTC)But the laugh was very good and had Loki brightening. "Then let you and he just be that. Who cares about other definitions but the ones you both use. SO long as those align, you'll be good."
cw: period-typical homophobia mention
Date: 2024-04-10 11:02 pm (UTC)Now that he spoke it aloud, it sounded...pretty bad. But that was the past now.
"I was supposed to keep the family business going, to make the heirs he couldn't. I radically changed everything else about it...so I guess my being gay doesn't add much to my list of crimes."
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